On the Subject of Grief, Academic Researcher and Journalist Are Just Tilting at Windmills

Last week I read two books I found rather appalling. Though supposedly about grief, neither of these books will be of any help whatsoever to people who are actually grieving. In fact they will likely do more harm than good.

Though The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss (George A. Bonanno, PhD) isn’t nearly as cynical and mean-spirited as The Truth About Grief: The Myth of Its Five Stages and the New Science of Loss (Ruth Davis Konigsberg), both authors are tilting at windmills that simply don’t exist except within their own professional echo chambers.

It’s not that what these books say is so wrong. They are correct that there are no stages of grief (Lord alive, can we please put this one to rest, even EKR knew is wasn’t so), most people don’t need grief counseling and the vast majority of people are able to function in their daily lives relatively quickly following a death.

The real problem with these books is the conclusions they come to. Just because someone doesn’t go through the 5 stages, or doesn’t need grief counseling, or is functioning in their daily lives, does not mean that they aren’t grieving…and it certainly does not mean they don’t need support.

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